the stage..

its been a weird day..... a weird fortnight.. weird is the wrong superlative to use. It doesn't really mean anything- its meant to confuse. Its just dramatic...

the monsoon's setting in.. slowly and steadily, the oppressive moisture builds up squeezing and relentlessly discomforting the body. the mind does not feel the same but what the body experiences, so does the mind...

My last month in Manipal precedes the extremes of monsoon that this region experiences- the coastal Southern part of Karnataka is as tropical as can get with beautiful greens and palms and white sandy beaches, hot and sultry most of the year around. It is a beautiful place- and the only contrasts in season..the only contrast in Lifestyle is provided by the monsoons.

Over the years, I 've learnt something from the rains- it showers sporadically, to begin with sucking the heat from the ground, settling the dust now and then as the air becomes heavier. There appears to be a tension between elements in the surroundings- almost as if there was a sexual union about to happen... everything and everyone anticipates the water. Its more than just an element- it represents a change of season, a change in the way people move around..a change in the way the Colour of the environment gets rendered..a change in the greens, in the blues, in the sunrise and sunset and in the smells....

Everything gets renewed... everything begins afresh... its a beautiful cycle that I recognise and realise only now, when I think of it. For me, psychologically.. this change was quite important. For one... water washed off the heat...the heat within me.. it brought a soothing transition into another phase, almost another life. When the first drops of the monsoon begin its downpour, the experience is a visual stunner- its as if God took his paint brush and retouched all the colours that describe the world- nature. It is a painting to behold- the glistening drops of water softening the greens, the blues become deeper and the clouds, threaten and burst with alarming regularity...

My heart dances when I see this transition.. when Im part of it... and its beautiful.

However, this time... things have been different.... feelings have been different. There is a change. The heat was there... the pre monsoon signs have all been there but there's been other 'distractions' to contend with- profession takes a step forward in the table of priorities... so much so that an internal relation with such an intimate experience is lost in the swirls of controversies, doubts and ambition that threaten to take over...

I do not feel excited about the first rains- it rained today. I enjoyed the sounds- it reminded me of a functional bodily requirement: the air would cool down after days of insufferable oppressive heat! This is another level of change that is occuring and I realise that I have accepted it, as simply as I accepted my presence in this world, before and now. The stage has been set for change to occur and occur it shall-
the clock ticks
the body greys
the ants move
and the rains fall...